People assume that running is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from my non-subjective, noob-runner viewpoint, it’s more like a big sweaty ball of wibbly wobbly funny runny stuff.
That’s a pretty good assessment of what it was like running this morning…respects to David Tennant and all the Whovians out there…as nothing felt right from the get go. Mind you I didn’t get out on the wrong side of the bed, but it certainly was hard to leave it this morning, taking all of three snooze button presses, my doxy jumping on me, and a shout from my wife before dragging myself out of bed…note to self, go to bed earlier on run nights.
I dressed, laced up, filled my water bottle and reset my running computer in a drunk-like somnolent stupor. A little pre-run stretching finally shook out the remaining cobwebs and we headed out the door. To my surprise our normally cool morning was absent, replaced by a hot, humid morning with virtually no breeze…it was going to be a sweat-fest by moonlight.
We did our normal warm up walk to the start of the bridge on Colonial Boulevard, synced our apps and started our run…5K today. My brain and feet were at odds within the first few strides as I had no coordination whatsoever…think Ministry of Silly Walks from the old Monty Python skit. I was literally tripping over my own feet as I made my way over the bridge. By the first quarter mile my feet were finally in sync with each other, but not with the rest of my body as my arms and breathing were pretty much just winging it. It wasn’t until a good old 80’s tune from Information Society started playing that my cranium finally took charge and synced all my neurologic pathways into something that actually resembled a run.
Half mile in, and I’m running smoothly, but already sweating like a pig. I guess the old gray matter didn’t take charge of the thermoregulators. I am already soaked through, so may as well use my handy dandy water bottle to help. First squirt misses me completely, second one hits it mark and feels great. Things are looking up.
The sweat off my brow is in Niagara mode now…I really need to get a new hat. I’m wiping my face with my shirt…a completely useless action as it’s soaked, so I have my free hand in windshield wiper mode. Cyclometers voice chimes in, “Distance one mile, Pace 9 minutes 28 seconds…one mile, only!!! My brain is telling me that I must be at least 2 miles in by now, but then it’s so busy trying to keep things in sync that it’s in major reality distortion mode. Time to employ the Dori school of running….”just keep running, running, running”, wait, where did my music go? Damn earbuds popped out. Snag them as they bounced around and pop them back into my ears…Enrique Iglesias???? How the hell did this get on my play list?
Pa’ fuera! Pa’ la calle!
Dale mamita tirame ese baile!
Dale mamita tirame ese baile!
Baby I…….Silence….damn it, earbuds fell out again.
Slap them back in…Party, Karamu, Fiesta, Forever. Aaaaarg, damn sweat. Is this run over yet?
“Distance one point two five miles. Pace 9 minutes….silence……..damn it. Ok stop and make sure the earbuds are in correctly.
Oh, hello ELO….now we’re talking…
Just got back from the downtown palais
Where the music was so sweet
It knocked me right back in the alley
Ah, finally, the turn around point. Wait a second, feet who told you to stop. Run! But first wring out hat and squirt myself with more water. Better….wait…still walking….Run!
She’s sweet on Wagner
I think she’d die for Beethoven
She loves the way Puccini lays down a tune
And Verdi’s always creeping from her room
Where’s Maggie’s light? Oh there it is…wow she’s way off her pace too…we both miss while doing our traditional high five when running past each other.
“Distance two point five miles, Pace 10 minutes 15 seconds”, screw it, I can live with that…not more to go…entering the dark area. What, again….damn earbuds. Let me dry them off a bit….shit I’m walking again….this shirt feels like a wet noodle…it’s coming off. Hat falls onto the ground and earbuds pop out….screw it, it’s staying on.
Springsteen’s Born to Run? LOL not today I wasn’t. Where is that skip button…ah there we go…
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
“Workout complete”, Finally!!!!! Time to walk back to Maggie. Holy crap she’s not even at the bridge yet. I walk back to her and start running along side and ask how she was feeling…all I get is a “shut up”. Yikes I guess her run is as Wibbly-Wobbly as mine is. Reboots are needed for both of us on Wednesday.
Running 10K Plan
Run Time: 40:38
Stopped Time: 2:14
Distance: 3.72 miles
Average: 10:56 /mile
Fastest Pace: 9:28 /mile
5k Run This Month: 21.83 miles
5k Run This Year: 98.24 miles